Needs to be shared thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceJ_DeT-c3M

you need to watch this watch to the end i laughed my arse off (have re-attached it now)

ahhahaha!!!!
"im gona fukin pu mah d**k in tha owl"
LOL

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA

thats just anoying lol

wtf is that shit. gtfo

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00g82ff/The_Real_Italian_Job_James_Martins_Mille_Miglia/

No words can desribe this, I would give everything to do this (im pretty sure im not joking) Could it get better than this? Stunning country, stunning food and epics cars! Im slightly emotional.

Anyone fancy doing it?

Crap backing track but great driving

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5v-OhjiBDg

evoman wrote:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00g82ff/The_Real_Italian_Job_James_Martins_Mille_Miglia/

No words can desribe this, I would give everything to do this (im pretty sure im not joking) Could it get better than this? Stunning country, stunning food and epics cars! Im slightly emotional.

Anyone fancy doing it?

WHAT THE FUCK! 800k or something on that car. It then drops a valve and they do hardly any driving. All so he can swan around bieng a pretentious tit. Buy a proper car (volvo) dont get mugged of for nearly a million for an overprized relic and have some ACTUAL FUN

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Borth

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Aberystwyth

enjoy!

omfg! hahahaha

lulz!

situated around 225 miles west of Norwich (except in winter when it is 140 miles to the east)


LOL WHUT?

Quote :

The main pastime for the local youths is patrolling the barren streets of the citadel in a circular fashion in their parents' cars. They will often stop, and stand around outside the cars. This is because none of them have yet worked out the way off the town's one way system.

fukken lol

evoman wrote:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00g82ff/The_Real_Italian_Job_James_Martins_Mille_Miglia/

No words can desribe this, I would give everything to do this (im pretty sure im not joking) Could it get better than this? Stunning country, stunning food and epics cars! Im slightly emotional.

Anyone fancy doing it?

how hot is his missus!

good watch that!
i wanna go italy now

ye his missis is bangin' it was an amazing watch

I NEED this.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/argocat-8x8-amphibious-atv-quad-trike-bike-/250794664091?pt=UK_Motorcycles&hash=item3a6486e09b

OK, ill do it. but ill warn you, you wont be happy you read it.

summertime last year, i had one of my annual 'clean up my act' purges. no more destructive relationships with strippers for me, i decided, ill go out with a nice girl. someone kind and gentle, and basically not my type. i didn't fancy her but she was kind and funny for a girl, and took good care of me, so i decided i would be able to forgo the other stuff. truth be told, Ive been spoilt in that department and it doesn't mean so much to me anymore anyway.

so, we go out, I'm as nice as i can be, have ever been, and we get on just fine. but screwing her becomes a problem, cos well, i really don't fancy her. shes not ugly or anything (Ive nailed plenty of ugly chics no problem), but she just didn't turn me on in any way. a rarity indeed. maybe its because she was nice and kind, who knows what makes my sick little head spin.

anyhoo, after a month, this becomes a problem, and I'm visibly forcing myself to poke her. really, truthfully, in all ways, it stunk. so, because Ive turned over a new leaf, we have an honest and open conversation after which we break up totally amicably, no hard feelings. i still thought she was ace, but since i was cleaning up my act and was stopping all the flings, there was no point starting a relationship i knew wouldn't last, and she wanted a lengthy relationship. i was sorry it had ended, but was determined not to live a lie for once, else the same thing would happen that always happens, ill start endlessly to cheat on her. I'm not proud of that, and I'm not making excuses, but its the truth. I left the relationship sorry, but still positive because at least this one time i didn't cheat on my girlfriend. in short, my cleaning up my act plan was still in tact.

a few weeks pass and I'm dating a girl, and she receives a 'mysterious' texts, emails and phone calls saying i beat women. now, anyone that knows me, even partially, even momentarily, knows that thats simply not my way. and this girl has good sense enough to know that too, so she responds to the messages saying that she should just stop being so silly. moreover, violence is something thats borne of frustration, not reluctance, so it just doesn't scan as a concept. anyhow, once replied to, a few days passes and the new girl receives an email saying, she was lieing about the woman-beating thing (and all the other spurious claims she made), and that she was just upset and lashing out.

I do nothing about this as i assume it will blow over, and I'm a grown up enough to know that people get bent out of shape when they break up with someone, most especially if they feel unattractive as a result. luckily for me I'm awesome to look at, but i can imagine that it sucks if you don't, most especially if your worst fears are validated by someone who will sleep with pigs. actual pigs.

Nothing happens for three weeks, and i assume that its all blown over, and with luck shes found someone new who likes her for what she is (and isn't).

Then, three weeks later, remember when we had all those storms, sort of September time? when it really rained and everywhere flooded? well, on this day, i come home very late from a big gig i was running, and find that my living room carpet is all wet and muddy looking (practical sort that i am, i chose cream carpets for my front room). Odd i think, but assume that some of the boys or my cleaner, who know where i hide my spare key, must have been in and used my house at some point. It happens, i enjoy running an open house and all are welcome always. So i phone everyone and ask them if they've been by for whatever reason today, and no-one has. Odd, i think again, and decide that the dampness and mud must be from where the cats have been running in and out. I'm pooped, so i think no more about it, and fall asleep on the sofa.

I get up late the next morning and jump in the shower and whilst washing my hair, i note that my shampoos not lathering up very well, so i squirt a bit more into my hand and try and lather up a bit more. it doesn't lather, and it starts to burn. really burn. properly burn. i panic, and stand under the shower head scrubbing frantically for ages trying to stop the burning. standing there, thinking about it, i realise that my shampoo is sort of orangey and this was thick gloopy and white. i take the top of the bottle and smell the contents and nearly pass out from the smell of ammonia. this is bleach, thick industrial strength bleach, the kind that they use in hair salons. the kind of salon that the ugly girl runs.

I'm amazed, and unashamedly terrified, but have no time to stop as i have to be in a school in 20 minutes, so i get dressed, and trying to ignore the pain in my skull and my shock at such a thing, get off to work.

as soon as my appointment is done, i call the police and explain to them what i believe has happened. this girl, knowing where my spare key is, has broken into my house and replaced my shampoo with bleach in an attempt to harm/ blind/ disfigure me. Naturally, I'm not best pleased about this. the Police thoughtfully explain that they don't consider this worthy of sending out an officer and that unless i can prove it was her, or anyone else, then ill have to 'write it off to experience' and that they 'dont consider it serious enough to persue further'. i disagree, i could be blind, or worse yet someone who was staying at mine and thought that i just used some kind of very tingly shampoo could have been hurt. i take the rest of the day off and go home.

i go into the house, which now is beginning to smell a little funky and carefully smell all the products in my bathroom. theyve all been tampered with. same bleach. i call the police back and again theyre not interested, unless i can provide a witness to anyones comings and goings. i decide to just pop to my neighbours and ask if theyve seen anyone to-ing and fro-ing in the last few days.

the first neighbour i visit says 'yes, that girl with the blue peugot was at yours. she was parked on your drive, and was there for several hours coming and going. i saw her, and recognised the car and her face. frankly, im amazed you went out with her, she didnt seem your type, you normally date such pretty, thin girls'.

i call the police again and say that i have a witness and could they please send someone round to take a statement. finally, after an hour or so of arguing, they agree to send an officer. i wait outside until he arrives. we then go into the house and he takes my statement. while were inside, we both comment on the smell from the carpet, several times. id previously assumed that it was just damp, but now that im spending anytime in its company, im begining to realise its not. i smell it, and to my horror, i realise its excrement. the carpet wasnt dark beige from dampness, it was dark beige from the substance on its surface. the police man and i are disgusted, he makes a note of it in his report, and we carry on trying to make light of a frankly shocking situation, the way us blokes do.

however, before he leaves, the officer suggests that we spend a quick minute going around the house looking for any other damage. we do just this.

everything i own, everything, books, cds, clothes, furniture, everything has been covered in excrement. everything. everything, everything. however, shes been canny, as shes not put it on anything, just in and under, so at first glance everything appears to be normal. inside books and cd cases, under cushions, in draws, behind pictures and furniture. you get the picture, im sure. the smell I'd assumed was coming from the downstairs carpet, and i hadnt been upstairs the night before as id passed out on the sofa. my house isnt big, but this is a lot of st. she must have literally being collecting st for weeks. and then have transported it all to my house, and done shuttle runs between the house and her car, just as my neighbour had observed.

nice.

lets cut to the end shall we? after all, i could spend another three pages moralising about how i wasnt so much hurt as i was shocked at someone so placid could go so mad. or how the worst part of it was that i didnt even cheat on her, and had i cheated on her, i would have felt she was completley justified, after all you live by the pork sword, you die by the pork sword. or how i felt bad for months that id done this to her, despite my lack of infidelity, before realising that you cant send someone this mad, they have to have to have mad in them already, bubbling away under the surface like blubber on her thighs. what you really want is the denoument. the big push, the final sting. the justice, or not, depending on the arrangement of your genetalia.

so, the police come back, take a statement from my neighbour. they also bring the csi folks, and they find plenty of traces of stuff, but nothing that theyre prepared to spend the time analysing too minutley. cant say i blame them, its st after all. my arguements that if they tested the floor of her car and or the bleach in her shop are ignored. all fingerprints found are said to be legitimate, since we had a relationship before, even though some things they were found on were not there when we dated.

the police finally agree to arrest her, and do so a week or so later. theres no hurry it would seem. she is arrested and then let go, when she denies all knowledge, despite admitting she has no alibi and was free at the time of the 'incident' and only lived a mile away. she refuses to comment on why the neighbour saw her or her car on my driveway, nor does she deny she was there. the police man returns and explains to me that its 'no confession, no case'. he then spends three hours warning me that if anything happens to her, ill be in jail before i can say 'woefully inept'. furthermore, theyre not prepared to try and follow it up further as they don't see the need or have the manpower. rather fittingly, as he says this, two officers are standing over the road catching speeding motorists. traffic in my village equates to about three cars a day. so, in short, shes going to be let off, despite the over-whelming evidence to support. gotta love this country, eh?

but, and like hers, its a very big butt, some good things have come out of it. for example, my insurance company were ace (direct line) and basically rebuilt my house and replaced everything i own with the utmost speed, effeciency and compassion, so i now have a brand new house, brand new clothes, brand new everything really. all of which enabled me to be well set up enough to start my own business which I'm absolutley loving and doing very nicley out of thankyou. indeed, without their help, it would have taken me many more months to be able to suitabley equip myself with all the stuff that needed upgrading and replacing. so thats super nice.

but anyway, the plus points although there are many arent in keeping with this thread, so lets wrap up with a moral shall we?

1: stick to what you know.

2: never date fat, ugly chics.

3: if you want your house redecorating, ignore 1 and 2.

4: new leaves are not always for turning.

5: ALWAYS cheat on your girlfriend.

6: Its just stuff, it means nothing, and can always be replaced. New stuff is most often better.

7: Ph's very own Pat H is a top man, and I would recommend his legal services all day long.

8: Its my turn now. I cant wait.

By the way, if you're reading this sweetheart, thanks for all the new stuff, its lovely. My fiancée especially enjoys a lot of it.

u expect me to read all that!!

lol, its a pretty good read, goes fast, lazy eyes!

my eyes hurt

Hope this works

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LK9-Ikcu0sY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGYUBtwR8Fc&NR=1

the aftermath

thats insane, The car passengers must of died, it bounced off the lorry, like 40 to -40 ina second thats going to be some insane forces